Setting Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is an essential component of self-care. Setting boundaries is also an important part of maintaining healthy relationships. When we set boundaries, we show others what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable for us. In other words, they allow us to show people what is okay and what’s not okay. It’s important to be able to express our boundaries and to respect the boundaries of people in our lives so that all parties feel supported, respected, and valued. Here are some examples of what boundary setting might sound like:

• I’m not comfortable discussing this.

• I’m unable to do that, but I can do this instead…

• I need some space right now.

• I won’t be able to stay all day, but I can come for a few hours.

• No, that won’t work for me.

Boundaries keep us safe, improve the quality of our relationships, and allow us to take care of ourselves and others. When our boundaries are not respected, we may feel violated, unsafe, invalidated, and dismissed. And when we do not set boundaries for ourselves, we may start to become resentful and frustrated, which is not helpful for anyone involved. It’s not always easy to know exactly what boundaries we need to set, so it can be helpful to spend some time reflecting on this. It can also be useful to challenge any unhelpful beliefs about what it means to set boundaries. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, unkind, mean, or aggressive. Boundary setting can be done in a way that is kind, compassionate, and still clear and assertive. Sometimes people may react negatively to your boundaries, but ultimately, you are not responsible for how someone reacts to your boundaries. You are practicing healthy communication by sharing your needs and expectations with others.

This blog post was written by Taryn O’Neil, LPC. To learn more about boundary setting, reach out to one of our licensed counselors today.